Obsession vs. Passion

“I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes. I had one thousand and sixty.”

Imelda Marcos

I have to admit it, I've gotten myself into a little bit of a mess. Wait, myself and my wardrobe. It's a mess, I'm a mess, the clothing looks like a mess! I need to stress how much of a problem this is. The doors rarely stay closed as the bulk from the rail space usually forces them open. I'm talking two to five garments per hanger. The shelving I just won't mention as that's where it gets embarrassing. There is an area for sandals, flats, gladiators and pumps. This area is a hazard, pull one shoe, you pull them all. My only saviour is my expensive shoe section, all neatly stacked in their original boxes like tiny baby twins waiting to see the world when mama hits the town. I have friends who come over who, when I open the doors, stare in wonderment, confused wonderment I might add, totally baffled by the sight before them. Somehow being a designer who shops as much as she designs gives people the image that you have a perfect wardrobe. Whatever gave them that idea?

The reality of it is, that I gave up structure, common sense and every inch of rail space in a ridiculous rampage to gain, make and design for myself a wardrobe that would never leave me wanting. This meant endless hours of shopping that I have been accumulating for about two years now since I finished my studies. I have more jeans than I'll ever wear, funny too how jeans are probably the one item of clothing I wear least. A vintage selection of clothes bought from markets or given from relatives, even from hospice, (my greatest little secret) takes up much rail space yet not much space on me. I just like knowing I found these items and that they carry a story, my little fashion gems. Too many shoes to mention, I'll just skim over that one and come to the worst part of all this. My 'special occasion' outfits, some I designed and made for myself for parties and big nights out. Others bought for the same reason yet in a last minute rush and worn in a momentary fad, will never be worn again. So my dilemma is this, no matter how much I design for myself, or how much I buy, I still wake up in the morning, open those doors and repeat this line in my head, 'I totally have nothing to wear.' 

A major problem is the change of seasons. It's all okay one month in but the transition for me feels like a tragedy. Have you noticed how when you pull out last Winter's clothes, you wonder how you ever made it through the season looking even remotely glamorous? And summer, always one key trend to adopt. This summer is the playsuit/jumpsuit/onesy whatever you wish to name it. Well I've dived in the deep end of this trend - I own twelve. If these don't stick around for another season I'll be drowning in a sea of playsuit depression. The fact of the matter is, you did make it through those seasons looking good, and these days anything goes, general trends don't change too drastically. Why this need to gain, to change, to accumulate more? 

For a while I've brushed this phenomenon off as 'an addiction to shopping'. But it's not that. I've said before that I make so many outfits for myself because I'm a designer and if I'm going to make samples I might as well make them in my size. It's not this either. It's because I've been caught in a superficial world in a mindless way. I excused this behaviour because I work in fashion, and that it's something I'm entitled to do. True, but not with obsession. Rather with passion.

The two are so close, so let me clarify. Obsession in my case is the meaningless abundance of fashion apparel because I think I have a disposable income (foolish that) and because I believe the myth of the perfect wardrobe. Passion is a learned luxury. The search for the perfect LBD, might take six months or a year but once bought it'll become a timeless piece. Photographed at many memorable occasions. A fabulous white shirt, there for you in your job interview and there as you get the promotion. Passion is creating a wardrobe of love, not a million ridiculous outfits that are worn once and soon chucked. I don't do resolutions, but it's still January and so I've made one. Lose the obsession and regain some passion for my personal fashion. I recently read about Lainey Keogh, an Irish knitwear designer, famous for her cashmere. She used the term, 'passionista'. And when asked what her luxury in life was she said this, "Freedom to choose, having all the time in the world to... Enjoying good health and knowing everything is possible." On reading this I came to a sudden conclusion. Firstly, fashion for me had become an addiction, not a luxury. Secondly, I was chasing a dream of having the perfect wardrobe thinking it's what I needed, and yet still feeling I had nothing to wear. Here was a famous designer, not even mentioning clothing in her list of luxuries. Instead keeping her career as a means to afford her the time to choose, to enjoy health and creating for her a knowledge of dreams. And this is where it gets fabulous... Fashion and I will always go hand in hand, I don't need to chase it. I'm taking a time out and starting fresh as a fashionista living with passion. No more binge buying, so long obsession and farewell to my closet encased fashion freak show! For now I'm reformed and there's only one trend I'll be buying into. It's the new must have, all the rage... passion.

Yours in style,

Melissa Jane

xoxo